…In and out of my final resting place. Weighing options upon options in an endless quest to settle the wringing in my solar plexus. Back and forth across pinball tables, I bounce around while pretending not to influence any of it with the thrusting of my hips. Imagination takes hold…maybe this or that passing glance will grace my day with a warm embrace, or a warm and ignorant laugh attack, at least. Any connection perceived as the ultimate, the trick is, maybe they all are. Can we not meld and mingle in different forms? One event a continuous extension of all things pre-pro-ceding it.
How can I hold you so close and still have you fly? Provide me a suitable analogy to allow me strength in waiting. One that doesn’t pull me along in your sky chariot. Or if we can alternate driving the thing, that there would be no conflict between push and pull, and if we aren’t moving forward at least we are not drifting apart, or filling our boots with concrete.
Don’t tell me the change will come from within. How many competing interests exist in the world that are at this moment seeking to entrench themselves as deeply as possible? To maintain their limp-wristed-lockjaw handshake grip. Age old forces of destruction, colluding with each other, laughing in the face of hope, snivelling at the back of love. How strong must I (we) be to allow these demons to tumble back into an æonic sleep? No Iphone alarm needed, no dings. What kind of ferocious reminder do we need then? I will not look within, I will not resolve to foddering a spiritual principle. I see it there. What are we made of, are we made of the world? Are we in it? No step untraceable, a foul smelling refuse rising from the breadbasket of the world is lashing at our front door. Who now is asking me to fight?Netflix and chill, tinder and Netflix and chill and tinder and netflix and facebook, and twitter. Look at the phone, look up, look away, look at the phone. Theres a lull, look at the phone. Hey! Look at this video, LOLOMFG .
And are we now surprised, a lamentation from an early grave. I cannot imagine being deader than that. Even as we glide across the earth. Torpedo caskets glistening in the moonlight, slick with sputum. Irreverence gleaned from the cackling of a muffler, once a symbol of progress, is now death.
I am pounding on the gates of heaven, hammer-drill in hand. Ready to change the numerals on the door. Tell me how easy it is, to rise as an emblem and march forward from the pyramid tip casting off a blank horizon. I really want to know…
I wake up with the sunrise on the screened in terrace from the mountainside overlooking the river, I give a warm kiss to my love and she stirs. She slowly opens her eyes, at their corners where the lines of time have gently began to appear. Her eyes draw her lips upwards as she smiles at me. We sleep on a rolled out mattress, placed on top of a woven straw tatami. We tuck it away as soon as we finish making love and are ready to rise.
I light the wood stove and begin to crack some eggs for our breakfast. She ambles down to the garden to pick some zucchini, tomatoes, and fresh herbs that we planted in the spring. I grind the freshly roasted coffee beans and place them in the stovetop espresso maker. The one relic I have carried with me since the dark times. The sourdough bread stored in an ochre painted box on the countertop was only baked yesterday, it still has a crispness, a softness. We decide to have a piece. Our impatience grows, she looks at me coyly, rips off a piece and dips it into a bowl of fresh homemade sheeps milk cheese. I touch her shoulder, the entirety of my being pangs a dull electric.
The piney breeze coming in through the windows of our house underscore my revelry and bring to me the god breath. I don’t remember anything, I have no need, what I have been can not serve me here. I do not neglect, I do not distract, all the longing, the prognosticating, the shaping, witchery and misplaced gratitude that once ruled my world dissolve into never having been at all.
I have all my fingers, all my toes, all my limbs, all my hearts, stomachs, and souls. I have hers too, and she has mine.